Post by MW on Aug 15, 2023 22:00:46 GMT -5
It’s press conference time. A group of people seated on the Bermudan shore wait. A podium in front of them.
Voice: HE’S HERE!
Music begins to play. Everyone stands and cheers. Marcus Welsh proudly walks toward the podium. His head held high. He thanks the people, but tries to avoid touching them. Marching up the few steps it takes to get to the platform where the podium resides, Welsh collects himself. He does a very presidential wave of the hand before adjusting the mic and leaning forward.
Marcus Welsh: Thank you, Bermuda. You’ve been a lovely host.
More cheers from the people in attendance.
Marcus Welsh: Things weren’t looking great when we left Puerto Rico and headed this way. Team Welsh was somehow tied with the laughable unit that is called ‘Team TLS’. We were behind the boring group that calls themselves ‘Team PIC’. We were in disarray.
The people nod, understandingly.
Marcus Welsh: Sarah Wolf was rebelling. My #1 was facing uncertainty. My guy, Sir Thaddeus, had suffered his first defeat. And Alexander, well, you all know.
We zoom in on a woman shedding a tear for those tough, turbulent times.
Marcus Welsh: Madam.
Welsh removes a kleenex from his pocket, handing it to an attendant who rushes over to dry the woman’s face. Everyone claps.
Marcus Welsh: Thank you. But, yes, things were looking tough. The seas were rough, if you will. But, then, something amazing happened. I sat Sarah Wolf down and told her what’s what. I finally got her in line. My show of leadership and tough love inspired the rest of the troops and, then, on Night 3 we went out and swept the first ¾ of the show. And, had it not been for some questionable officiating, we would have easily walked out with the holy grail. With that 4-0 mark.
Nobody can argue these facts.
Marcus Welsh: So now, thanks to my impeccable leadership Team Welsh is tied for the lead and basically assured victory come September 10th. It just all boils down to who is going to represent Team Welsh in the finals for a piece of The TRIAD.
A very intriguing line of thought.
Marcus Welsh: Sadly, the OG is eliminated from the equation. And, bless her heart, I think we can remove Sarah Wolf from consideration because, well, if she were to make it that means Team Welsh had a terrible Night 4 and I will not entertain such failure. So it is up to Stratford, my #1, and Thad, my guy.
People talk among themselves. Thad or Strat? Strat or Thad?
Marcus Welsh: It’s a tough question, to be sure. So, let’s just all sit back and root for both...Thad, the devil I know. Strat, the devil I don’t know.
It’s clear, based on the cadence that Welsh is leaning in Thad’s direction.
Marcus Welsh: But, I think we can all assume at least three wins for Team Welsh on Night 4. Wolf is going to run through LCP and Kane. Thad is gonna shut Knox up and hit MERICA so hard Chet Dakota dies. And Strat is gonna expose both Vhodka and the, heh, injured Catalina...weakening them both so they have zero shot at winning on September 10th. All we really need to concern ourselves with is OG.
Nods. So many nods.
Marcus Welsh: Now, I want to address the rumors surrounding OG. I understand he’s been absent from social media for the past week. I realize whispers are making the rounds that something bad happened to him and that I have received information confirming his demise. Well, let me state this for the record...OG better get his ass to that aircraft carrier by August 22nd or else. He’s got a match to win. He’s got revenge to catch against Helena. And he’s got a soul to crush within Penelope.
A person yells out, “But have you heard anything about our dear OG?!”
Marcus Welsh: I keep in contact with all of my team members. Even Sarah Wolf, unfortunately. Whatever OG is going through he will make it to Night 4. He better. He fuckin better.
Welsh trails off. “WHAT ABOUT LEO!!” Welsh snaps back into focus and points the person out who is promptly dragged away.
Marcus Welsh: I’m sorry you all had to hear that outburst. But, yes, Leo’s name has been bandied about on social media. The Straders. Vicky Stone. Even Bifford have apparently heard from my trusted, valued employee. But I want you all to know that he is just fine. Just being a little over dramatic, as always.
It’s clear this answer isn’t satisfactory.
Marcus Welsh: I’ve heard of the horrible footage of him in Hotel California. I, personally, haven’t seen it because I’m a busy man and I tend to believe whatever happens between Leo and women is usually imaginary. However, I have personally reached out to Leo and he is fine and will be back in the color commentator seat on Night 4.
A round of applause.
Marcus Welsh: Thank you. I do what I can.
More applause.
Marcus Welsh: In fact, I’m feeling so generous tonight that I’m having these boxes passed around so that you can donate to both Leo and OG. Just in case they need any funds to help them recover whatever they think they might be going through. I will be sure they get these funds on Night 4.
Boxes are passed around.
Marcus Welsh: Don’t be stingy. Remember that sharing is caring.
The boxes make their rounds and receive plenty of donations.
Marcus Welsh: Tremendous. Well, alright then...I feel like if I go any longer I might overstay my welcome. It’s late and I’ve got a date with fate. See you all on Night 4...the night Team Welsh put the other teams...to sleep.
A manufactured clap of thunder booms from a nearby speaker as Welsh chuckles, trying to look powerful and evil. Everyone in attendance leans back and gasps.
Marcus Welsh: That’s right.
Welsh exits the stage and makes his way toward the ocean where he climbs into a medium sized boat that takes off, into the dark unknown. He stands, holding his fist high “THE POWER OF TEAM WELSH!” Everyone on the beach holds their fists up. Welsh sits down and then yells, ‘WAIT, WE FORGOT THE BOXES, TURN AROUND!’ We fade out.
Voice: HE’S HERE!
Music begins to play. Everyone stands and cheers. Marcus Welsh proudly walks toward the podium. His head held high. He thanks the people, but tries to avoid touching them. Marching up the few steps it takes to get to the platform where the podium resides, Welsh collects himself. He does a very presidential wave of the hand before adjusting the mic and leaning forward.
Marcus Welsh: Thank you, Bermuda. You’ve been a lovely host.
More cheers from the people in attendance.
Marcus Welsh: Things weren’t looking great when we left Puerto Rico and headed this way. Team Welsh was somehow tied with the laughable unit that is called ‘Team TLS’. We were behind the boring group that calls themselves ‘Team PIC’. We were in disarray.
The people nod, understandingly.
Marcus Welsh: Sarah Wolf was rebelling. My #1 was facing uncertainty. My guy, Sir Thaddeus, had suffered his first defeat. And Alexander, well, you all know.
We zoom in on a woman shedding a tear for those tough, turbulent times.
Marcus Welsh: Madam.
Welsh removes a kleenex from his pocket, handing it to an attendant who rushes over to dry the woman’s face. Everyone claps.
Marcus Welsh: Thank you. But, yes, things were looking tough. The seas were rough, if you will. But, then, something amazing happened. I sat Sarah Wolf down and told her what’s what. I finally got her in line. My show of leadership and tough love inspired the rest of the troops and, then, on Night 3 we went out and swept the first ¾ of the show. And, had it not been for some questionable officiating, we would have easily walked out with the holy grail. With that 4-0 mark.
Nobody can argue these facts.
Marcus Welsh: So now, thanks to my impeccable leadership Team Welsh is tied for the lead and basically assured victory come September 10th. It just all boils down to who is going to represent Team Welsh in the finals for a piece of The TRIAD.
A very intriguing line of thought.
Marcus Welsh: Sadly, the OG is eliminated from the equation. And, bless her heart, I think we can remove Sarah Wolf from consideration because, well, if she were to make it that means Team Welsh had a terrible Night 4 and I will not entertain such failure. So it is up to Stratford, my #1, and Thad, my guy.
People talk among themselves. Thad or Strat? Strat or Thad?
Marcus Welsh: It’s a tough question, to be sure. So, let’s just all sit back and root for both...Thad, the devil I know. Strat, the devil I don’t know.
It’s clear, based on the cadence that Welsh is leaning in Thad’s direction.
Marcus Welsh: But, I think we can all assume at least three wins for Team Welsh on Night 4. Wolf is going to run through LCP and Kane. Thad is gonna shut Knox up and hit MERICA so hard Chet Dakota dies. And Strat is gonna expose both Vhodka and the, heh, injured Catalina...weakening them both so they have zero shot at winning on September 10th. All we really need to concern ourselves with is OG.
Nods. So many nods.
Marcus Welsh: Now, I want to address the rumors surrounding OG. I understand he’s been absent from social media for the past week. I realize whispers are making the rounds that something bad happened to him and that I have received information confirming his demise. Well, let me state this for the record...OG better get his ass to that aircraft carrier by August 22nd or else. He’s got a match to win. He’s got revenge to catch against Helena. And he’s got a soul to crush within Penelope.
A person yells out, “But have you heard anything about our dear OG?!”
Marcus Welsh: I keep in contact with all of my team members. Even Sarah Wolf, unfortunately. Whatever OG is going through he will make it to Night 4. He better. He fuckin better.
Welsh trails off. “WHAT ABOUT LEO!!” Welsh snaps back into focus and points the person out who is promptly dragged away.
Marcus Welsh: I’m sorry you all had to hear that outburst. But, yes, Leo’s name has been bandied about on social media. The Straders. Vicky Stone. Even Bifford have apparently heard from my trusted, valued employee. But I want you all to know that he is just fine. Just being a little over dramatic, as always.
It’s clear this answer isn’t satisfactory.
Marcus Welsh: I’ve heard of the horrible footage of him in Hotel California. I, personally, haven’t seen it because I’m a busy man and I tend to believe whatever happens between Leo and women is usually imaginary. However, I have personally reached out to Leo and he is fine and will be back in the color commentator seat on Night 4.
A round of applause.
Marcus Welsh: Thank you. I do what I can.
More applause.
Marcus Welsh: In fact, I’m feeling so generous tonight that I’m having these boxes passed around so that you can donate to both Leo and OG. Just in case they need any funds to help them recover whatever they think they might be going through. I will be sure they get these funds on Night 4.
Boxes are passed around.
Marcus Welsh: Don’t be stingy. Remember that sharing is caring.
The boxes make their rounds and receive plenty of donations.
Marcus Welsh: Tremendous. Well, alright then...I feel like if I go any longer I might overstay my welcome. It’s late and I’ve got a date with fate. See you all on Night 4...the night Team Welsh put the other teams...to sleep.
A manufactured clap of thunder booms from a nearby speaker as Welsh chuckles, trying to look powerful and evil. Everyone in attendance leans back and gasps.
Marcus Welsh: That’s right.
Welsh exits the stage and makes his way toward the ocean where he climbs into a medium sized boat that takes off, into the dark unknown. He stands, holding his fist high “THE POWER OF TEAM WELSH!” Everyone on the beach holds their fists up. Welsh sits down and then yells, ‘WAIT, WE FORGOT THE BOXES, TURN AROUND!’ We fade out.