Post by edgarwallaby on Sept 8, 2023 21:28:47 GMT -5
This is Rocko
He’s a little black footed rock wallaby, the youngest in a lineage of proud Wallabies in the Wallaby household.
Rocko, is a rowdy wallaby at the moment, who has just about… outgrown his welcome.
A montage shows Rocko chewing on blankets, carrots, parsely, Edgar’s shirts, and jumping up and down the room, smashing plates, glasses, and potted plants everywhere.
You can’t leave anything anywhere, he tore the aerial off my stereo, so I can’t listen to my radio inside now. He’ll drink my coffee. There’s usually furnishings and other items around, and he’s managed to knock them all down. He jumps up on the cupboards, he’s on the fish tanks. I put a book on my other fish tank, because he left his trademark nugget in there, thinking it was a toilet.
Too young to be an adult, too old to be a child. Rocko is at that difficult age when rules are made to be broken. Rocko’s… a teenager. Rocko bounces frantically infront of the camera, drawing Edgar’s attention.
Yes Rocko, I’m introducing them to you. Now fuck off.
Rocko isn’t a fan of that smacktalk, and bounces into Edgar’s face, with Rocko’s legs catching him flush in the jaw, thrusting him up and knocking him out in the process.
Edgar is out in the middle of an remote arid area, possibly the Outback. There is a freestanding flipchart whiteboard behind him, with an image of the HMS Atalanta on it. Infront of him are a mob of Wallabies. One of the Wallabies appear to put their paws up, and growls, hisses and coughs appearing to ask a question.
No Windy, it’s not the ship from the Pirates of the Caribbean ship. That was the Black Pearl.
Windy is the name of the wallaby. Another wallaby, put their paws up, growls, hisses and coughs, also asking a question.
No Matilda, it’s not the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. That is called the Buccaneers Cove.
Before another Wallaby can ask a question, Edgar gives them this the answer.
This is the HMS Atalanta, better known as The Ghost Ship, location of The Triad’s Bravery Trials Finals, where we will compete in a Second Chance Battle Royal to be the number one pick in the Strength Trials.
One of the wallabies has a question, and repeats the same actions as Windy and Matilda.
What’s a ghost? Are you serious Wally?
Wally the Wallaby.
You’ve never seen the Ghostbusters, Casper The Ghost, Scooby Doo, or Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol?
Wally did not own a TV, he was a wallaby. Edgar facepalms.
Fine, A ghost is alleged to be a person’s spirit after they pass away, which shows themselves to the living. There is no proof that Ghosts are real. Unless in my opinion, you’ve been living with your head in the sand, because ghosts have existed since the dawn of time began.
There is no sand for the Wallabies to bury themselves in the middle of the arid area.
Ghosts appear in many different forms. They can look like the deceased, or they can be invisible, where you can’t see them.
A question from a Wallaby throws Edgar off.
No, not John Cena! I don’t know who that is. I’m talking about Ghosts, you can tell if they’re around by strange lights or cold air signalling their presence. They can cry, laugh, and make footstep sounds. They can move stuff around and shut doors. The super scary Ghosts, known as poltergeists, can break and throw things. Kind of like a Wallaby!
The Wallabies do not understand the joke.
So when we step foot on the HMS Atalanta, we need to be aware of these Ghosts. For where ghosts appear are haunted environments. A ghost can be tied to this ship because they experienced sadness, fear or other calamities.
Question from a wallaby.
No Wally, someone dressed in an all-white cloth from head to toe is not a ghost. It’s someone thinking it is Halloween, or a member of a very racist organisation.
F#@* the KKK.
What’s racism? It’s kind of like people thinking you are kangaroos, and then laughing it off when they are told you are Wallabies, just because you look the same.
The Wallabies can feel that animal appropriation. Matilda wonders something about one of Edgar’s opponents in the Battle Royal.
Is Martina Richards a ghost? No Matilda, they’re just a pasty individual. They’re also a very good technician, so I do not want to get into a wrestling match with her. Here’s hoping an actual ghost spooks her, someone carelessly eats a banana on the ship and litters the peel in the ring. Martina slips on it, breaks her back, and the wind of the sea or a ghost pushes her over the top rope, because I do not want to bow to Tina. I also get sea sick and do not want the Sudbury Sicko pulling one over me.
Papers bags may be needed for Edgar’s motion sickness at sea. A wallaby notices a blueish-purple shaped ball on the ground.
That’s a plum.
They question Edgar whether it is safe to eat.
Yes you can eat it.
The wallaby has at it.
GLUM is not a plum, but what he is… is an Alcoholic Clown.
See GLUM, is a disturbed individual. He’s clearly suffering from depression, and rather than address his problems, he drowns his problems away. Maybe he is already a Ghost, haunting all of us?
That might explain his memory loss, of how he doesn’t know he got here. It could also explain the figment of his imagination Margaret the Bearded Lady. His life is an absolute circus, and he’s not even a funny Clown. He’s an absolute joke, just like it’s a joke if he thinks he has a chance in hell of winning on Sunday. Not letting it happen, not on my bloody watch.
The Wallabies had eaten Edgar’s watch.
Someone to watch out for though, is Shay Owens. Just like Martina, another technician, with a MMA background, and she’s nobody’s wife. Living a life of celibacy, or she just doesn’t believe in monogamy. Kind of like the lot of you.
Monogamy was not a concept they understood as wallabies often hump.
Shay has an aggressive streak, so she used martial arts to channel that aggression, and calm herself down. Something which I’m sure all of you can also relate to as you’re super aggressive.
The wallabies were a riot.
Except there’s only one problem with that. This is not Cobra Kai, this is professional wrestling, and none of that kung fu panda bullshit is going to fly by me. While Shay is focused on choking people out, I’ll be focusing on throwing her over the top rope.
It’s as simple as that.
Yes Gabriel Landy, not Laundry is another one of my opponents. Not that any of you would understand the concept of laundry, you live life as nudists.
Wallabies did not have any need for clothes.
Gabriel likes to Take To The Sky, except if he were to take to the sky on The Ghost Ship, he could possibly get possessed by one of the ghosts, fly over the top rope, crack his head on the ship edges, and then drown into the ocean, disappearing in the process. As long as he’s out of the ring and eliminated, doesn’t matter to me how he does it.
Edgar had a very graphic description for how he wanted Gabriel Landry to fuck off. It was merciless, just as his next opponent was.
Chet. The warlord. Except I question the validity of her being a warlord. For what type of warlord’s hometown is in their fucking car? It’s about as much of a joke as GLUM. You wouldn’t see famous warlords like General Nanisca The Woman King, Alexander The Great, Attila the Hun or Saddam Hussein live like homeless people. They were brutal dictators who lived lavishly. Chet can stomp to the ring, and make her presence known. But I will expose her presence and the fraud that she is, by making her stumble out of the ring and over the tope rope in embarrassment, eliminating herself.
Edgar did not like frauds.
Another fraud is Charlie Nickles also know as The Nickleman. Charlie often gets into arguments or fights with the crowd on his way out, especially people who are elderly or otherwise vulnerable. Now I’m all for grandparent bashing and beating up cripples like Charlie Nickles, except the only reason Charlie chooses to do any of that, is because he has no talent. He might be an even bigger clown than GLUM. I’m aware he’s a hardcore nut who has scored some notable wins elsewhere. But in the Triad, he has done absolutely nothing, and none of that other stuff means jack shit.
It’s the truth.
Gina Van Zyl. The South African bombshell. Known for her bravery, and as a proud South African claims to be one of the strongest people in the world. Now that’s debatable, but with The Rugby World Cup currently kicking off, and the Springboks considered one of the favorites to win the tournament as defending world champions, I can relate to Gina’s confidence in her abilities. Except Gina may be in France watching the South African Rugby Team, because I question whether she’s going to show up on Sunday. She’s been about as invisible as the Ghosts on the Ghost Ship. For I haven’t seen her do fuck all to make it known that she wants in on the Triad.
Show up or get the fuck out, Edgar believed.
Maybe it’s all a dream for Gina, just like it’s a daydream for Brooke Blakely.
One of the wallabies, put their paws up, growled, hissed and coughed, asking a question.
What’s a daydream? Kind of like you imagining you’re in a endless field of herbs, with not another wallaby in sight, in solitary heaven. Unless it’s grazing season or time to forage for food. A dream that sounds so good to be true, that is probably is. Now I will say this. Brooke, could possibly be the most legitimate threat I face in this battle royal. That is, if I were daydreaming!
Edgar cackles in laughter.
Give me a fucking break blondie. Stick to what you’re good at, slapping guys up and laughing at crying babies. You elevate anyone you step in the ring with? Well of course you bloody will, you’re a midget so in comparison unless you’re a oompa-loompa anyone would like a giant next to you.
An owl flies in front of the wallabies and Edgar. The wallabies look confused as the owl stares at all of them.
I know. I’m just confused as all of you. Not a tree in sight, it’s the middle of the day, Owls are meant to be nocturnal animals, and I’m wondering where the bloody hell this Owl came from. It’s an absolute hoot.
Edgar looked around in the middle of the arid area, suspiciously.
The owl lady must be close by, Alice Knight. Either that or I got an electronic owl for the purpose of this vignette, to defy all logic for why an Owl would be in the middle of the Outback in the scorching heat.
Edgar shrugged.
I guess we’ll never know the truth. But what is the truth is Alice Knight is a one of the most decorated wrestlers in this battle royal. But just as I said for Nickleman, all those accomplishments and accolades don’t mean squat in the Triad. What is she going to do on The Ghost Ship, wave around her achievements in front of The Ghosts. They don’t give a fuck about that, they’re more interested in your soul. Personally me, I’m not interested in your soul, I’m just interested in getting you over the top rope, out of the ring, and eliminated from the battle royal.
It was not rocket science for Edgar, as the mysterious owl flew away.
This is it lads and lasses, all the months of hard work in the wilderness. Sunday is the time to let it be known, that we are brave, we have wit, and for the purpose of this battle royal and the strength trials, we are strong. We are not afraid of any ghosts, and for everyone watching who wants to know… Who the hell is Edgar???
Edgar had one final message for the Wallabies and anyone else watching.
Future battle royal winner, and your number one draft pick for The Strength Trials.