Post by MW on Jun 5, 2023 17:52:47 GMT -5
~It’s a quiet day in Somewhere, Florida. A local motel in SOMEWHERE, Florida. Cars are parked outside. A mid thirties, balding man steps out of his aging van. He looks around, nervously. Slowly he approaches a door. Is this man here to see a LADY OF THE NIGHT? Or, perhaps a deal for some low end narcotic? Or, even worse, is he going to get a blowjob from a clown? Nah, turns out here’s here for something much worse. He enters the room and we see it...BY JOVE~
Marcus Welsh: Craig. Finally...get your ass in here and let’s get this wrestling interview going.
~Yep, nearly a dozen out-of-shape, strange-looking, sweaty men have piled themselves into this sweltering Florida motel room to interview the once great GM, Marcus Welsh. Are these even real journalists? Who knows. But they are here and they have questions. So, let’s get started~
Marcus Welsh: Alright, guy wearing the “Meyhu is forever champ” shirt.
Meyhu Shirt Guy: Mr. Welsh, first off, it’s an HONOR to be sweating in your presence. Second...we’re all here about Triad...so I just wanna get the first, most obvious question out of the way. Is Vhodka Black going to be the #1 pick in the inaugural Triad draft?
Marcus Welsh: Interesting question. Also, next time go for the XL, big guy. I’d say she might be the favorite to go #1 at this time. She’s got the reputation in the industry and she’s already shown all of us Triad owners what she’s capable of. But, I will say this...she is NOT #1 on my board.
~Gasps from the middle-aged men~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, next...guy in the ‘Sahara was Screwed’ shirt. You guys all wearing wrestling shirts or what? Sheesh.
Sahara Shirt Guy: Thanks! Before I get to my question, the Great Illuminatus this year was hands down the greatest match I’ve ever seen. I got hard watching it. Now...I want to know about your relationship with one Thaddeus Duke. Do you feel you owe it to him to make him your first pick?
Marcus Welsh: Let’s get one thing straight...I owe Mr. Duke nothing. He helped us out of a bad situation and I repaid that kindness tenfold, in my opinion. If I draft Duke it’ll be based on merit and nothing else. I expect he’ll get drafted because, well, let’s face it…whether you like him or hate him, he’s got the talent to unite the Triad. In my opinion. PIC and TLS could disagree, I can’t say.
~A noise that sounds suspiciously like a fart squeezes out. The room goes quiet~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, who was that? Seriously guys. There’s a million of you in here...it’s tight quarters and the AC unit is malfunctioning. Can we please hold all smelly bodily functions until AFTER the interview? Sheesh. Okay, next question...you over there in the “Triad” shirt...hey where did you get that? Why haven’t I got any commission for that yet?
Triad Shirt Guy: Alice Knight...let’s talk about her. First major OCW face I’ve seen that’s signed up. Is she a lock to get drafted? What about other OCW wrestlers who may or may not sign up to take part in Triad?
Marcus Welsh: Well she’s a former OCW Champion and Hall of Famer for a reason. But does that translate into Triad? This is a very different place. I’d have to say she’s a pretty safe bet to get drafted...but these aren’t all the names, yet. They will continue to grow and...we’ll just have to see what this field looks like when the draft rolls around.
~Welsh spots a reporter kicking at his suitcase~
Marcus Welsh: Ay! You! What are you doing?
Suitcase Reporter: How many motel towels you got in this thing?
Marcus Welsh: Mind your own fucking business and ask your question.
Suitcase Reporter: Alright, fine. You mentioned earlier Vhodka Black isn’t #1 on your draft board. Who are some candidates that we haven’t previously talked about who might be at the top of your draft board?
Marcus Welsh: I’d be kinda stupid to put a draft board together before all the names are known, wouldn’t I? Besides, I gotta consult with the Draft Expert and he’s a very busy man. However, a few names that have caught my attention and who I could see being at the top of my board are Stephen Stratford, Catalina Cortes, Helena Handbasket, and Matt Knox. But that’s just a very, very initial overview of who we’ve got, so far.
~Welsh walks over and yanks his suitcase away, hiding it from the reporters~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, next question from the guy in the “Where’s the Biff” t-shirt.
Bifford Shirt Guy: You wanna go out for some chicken after this?
Marcus Welsh: No.
Bifford Shirt Guy: Okay. One of the things I find so interesting about this process is all the NEW names you’re going to be working with. You, PIC, and TLS. Give me some of these new names that have really stood out to you, so far.
Marcus Welsh: I think Penelope has looked very strong. She’s someone that could work her way into the first round. Gina Van Zyl is another who is very, very excited about all this and might have the talent to outperform some of the more ‘established’ people involved. And let’s not forget Chet. Chet is super active and very, very eager to get going. You can’t underestimate passion. Look what it did for Mike Zybala back in OCW.
~The AC suddenly kicks on and everybody gets excited. It then turns right back off and the room exhales with disappointment~
Marcus Welsh: Ugh. Okay, you over there, guy wearing the fedora.
Fedora Guy: Brooke Blakely...she took off after you left OCW, winning the Paradigm Championship. She’s signed up for the Trials. What is your opinion of Brooke and are you going to draft her?
Marcus Welsh: I think I probably underestimated Brooke back when I was in charge of OCW. She’s certainly accomplished quite a lot in the 3 months I’ve been gone. I will be doing a good amount of research on her and, yes, I am open to drafting her...should it make sense. I’m very happy for Brooke and the success she’s earned.
Fedora Guy: And what about LC Pinkston? He had a great Mix showing in 2021...and he’s apparently almost up to 10 moves! Would you consider picking him up?
Marcus Welsh: First off, nobody said you could ask two questions in a row. I outta have you thrown out of here. But...my security is nonexistent at this point. Second...Pinkston. I found LC to be one of the most entertaining competitors back in the 2021 Mix. The fans really got behind his limited but increasing move set. I have no doubt he’s come a long way since then and will be very, very interested to see where he goes on draft night.
~Fedora guy tries to ask another question but Welsh rips the knob off the old, cheap AC unit and throws it at him, shutting him up~
Marcus Welsh: Next...let’s get a question from this guy over here, dude wearing the “Zelda Rules” T-shirt.
Zelda Fan: Why is this so similar to Legend of Zelda?
Marcus Welsh: I refuse to answer that. Ask me something else or eat my fuck.
Zelda Fan: Fine, geez. Give me one name you’d never heard of that looks very, very impressive to you.
Marcus Welsh: See? There’s a good question. Here’s one...Alexander Raven. No idea who this wrestler was before he enlisted. I saw him hanging around the office...heard the name and was like “Is that James Raven’s son?” Or relative, or whatever. Turns out the only thing he has in common with James...or Knox, for that matter, is talent. A talent like Alexander Raven is the exact reason why I do this...the ability to work with skilled wrestlers you never knew were in the business. I can’t wait to see where he goes on draft night.
~Welsh’s phone goes off. His Dominos Pizza is 5 min away~
Marcus Welsh: Alright, last question. Let’s go...you over there, guy who just acted like he was scratching his nose but was actually picking it.
Nose Guy: I have allergies, okay? Don’t make fun of me. Since this is the last question...can you run down the names that have enlisted that are unknowns, in your mind. And what do they need to do to, I don’t know, impress you before draft night?
Marcus Welsh: Well, we’d be talking about Shay, Glum, Martina Richards, Merica, and Gabriel Landry. Five competitors I’m very intrigued with...just want to get to know more about them. I’ve had some talks with Shay and she’s very nice. Landry seems really excited to be involved. Martina has a ton of passion for this. Glum is a sad clown. And Merica...well, he’s very patriotic in a sorta ‘I’m gonna internet terrorize you’ kinda way. I’d say these five really need to show me and the other two owners something that makes them stand out...this is a big field of incredible talent so what makes you worthy of being drafted? I’ve got four picks...why should I make you one of the four I pick? It’s that simple. If you want it, show it...earn it.
~Welsh gets a notification his pizza has arrived~
Marcus Welsh: Alright, everybody out.
~He ushers the reporters out. They labor, heavy breathing...but they manage to all squeeze-out. As they do, the pizza guy walks past them~
Fedora Guy: Dominos? Eww. They’ve really gone downhill.
Marcus Welsh: Shut up, and get the hell out of here, Fedora guy!
~Welsh takes his pizza and signs the receipt before slamming his motel door shut~
Pizza Guy: No tip? Cheap ass mother fucker.
~Fade to black~
Marcus Welsh: Craig. Finally...get your ass in here and let’s get this wrestling interview going.
~Yep, nearly a dozen out-of-shape, strange-looking, sweaty men have piled themselves into this sweltering Florida motel room to interview the once great GM, Marcus Welsh. Are these even real journalists? Who knows. But they are here and they have questions. So, let’s get started~
Marcus Welsh: Alright, guy wearing the “Meyhu is forever champ” shirt.
Meyhu Shirt Guy: Mr. Welsh, first off, it’s an HONOR to be sweating in your presence. Second...we’re all here about Triad...so I just wanna get the first, most obvious question out of the way. Is Vhodka Black going to be the #1 pick in the inaugural Triad draft?
Marcus Welsh: Interesting question. Also, next time go for the XL, big guy. I’d say she might be the favorite to go #1 at this time. She’s got the reputation in the industry and she’s already shown all of us Triad owners what she’s capable of. But, I will say this...she is NOT #1 on my board.
~Gasps from the middle-aged men~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, next...guy in the ‘Sahara was Screwed’ shirt. You guys all wearing wrestling shirts or what? Sheesh.
Sahara Shirt Guy: Thanks! Before I get to my question, the Great Illuminatus this year was hands down the greatest match I’ve ever seen. I got hard watching it. Now...I want to know about your relationship with one Thaddeus Duke. Do you feel you owe it to him to make him your first pick?
Marcus Welsh: Let’s get one thing straight...I owe Mr. Duke nothing. He helped us out of a bad situation and I repaid that kindness tenfold, in my opinion. If I draft Duke it’ll be based on merit and nothing else. I expect he’ll get drafted because, well, let’s face it…whether you like him or hate him, he’s got the talent to unite the Triad. In my opinion. PIC and TLS could disagree, I can’t say.
~A noise that sounds suspiciously like a fart squeezes out. The room goes quiet~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, who was that? Seriously guys. There’s a million of you in here...it’s tight quarters and the AC unit is malfunctioning. Can we please hold all smelly bodily functions until AFTER the interview? Sheesh. Okay, next question...you over there in the “Triad” shirt...hey where did you get that? Why haven’t I got any commission for that yet?
Triad Shirt Guy: Alice Knight...let’s talk about her. First major OCW face I’ve seen that’s signed up. Is she a lock to get drafted? What about other OCW wrestlers who may or may not sign up to take part in Triad?
Marcus Welsh: Well she’s a former OCW Champion and Hall of Famer for a reason. But does that translate into Triad? This is a very different place. I’d have to say she’s a pretty safe bet to get drafted...but these aren’t all the names, yet. They will continue to grow and...we’ll just have to see what this field looks like when the draft rolls around.
~Welsh spots a reporter kicking at his suitcase~
Marcus Welsh: Ay! You! What are you doing?
Suitcase Reporter: How many motel towels you got in this thing?
Marcus Welsh: Mind your own fucking business and ask your question.
Suitcase Reporter: Alright, fine. You mentioned earlier Vhodka Black isn’t #1 on your draft board. Who are some candidates that we haven’t previously talked about who might be at the top of your draft board?
Marcus Welsh: I’d be kinda stupid to put a draft board together before all the names are known, wouldn’t I? Besides, I gotta consult with the Draft Expert and he’s a very busy man. However, a few names that have caught my attention and who I could see being at the top of my board are Stephen Stratford, Catalina Cortes, Helena Handbasket, and Matt Knox. But that’s just a very, very initial overview of who we’ve got, so far.
~Welsh walks over and yanks his suitcase away, hiding it from the reporters~
Marcus Welsh: Okay, next question from the guy in the “Where’s the Biff” t-shirt.
Bifford Shirt Guy: You wanna go out for some chicken after this?
Marcus Welsh: No.
Bifford Shirt Guy: Okay. One of the things I find so interesting about this process is all the NEW names you’re going to be working with. You, PIC, and TLS. Give me some of these new names that have really stood out to you, so far.
Marcus Welsh: I think Penelope has looked very strong. She’s someone that could work her way into the first round. Gina Van Zyl is another who is very, very excited about all this and might have the talent to outperform some of the more ‘established’ people involved. And let’s not forget Chet. Chet is super active and very, very eager to get going. You can’t underestimate passion. Look what it did for Mike Zybala back in OCW.
~The AC suddenly kicks on and everybody gets excited. It then turns right back off and the room exhales with disappointment~
Marcus Welsh: Ugh. Okay, you over there, guy wearing the fedora.
Fedora Guy: Brooke Blakely...she took off after you left OCW, winning the Paradigm Championship. She’s signed up for the Trials. What is your opinion of Brooke and are you going to draft her?
Marcus Welsh: I think I probably underestimated Brooke back when I was in charge of OCW. She’s certainly accomplished quite a lot in the 3 months I’ve been gone. I will be doing a good amount of research on her and, yes, I am open to drafting her...should it make sense. I’m very happy for Brooke and the success she’s earned.
Fedora Guy: And what about LC Pinkston? He had a great Mix showing in 2021...and he’s apparently almost up to 10 moves! Would you consider picking him up?
Marcus Welsh: First off, nobody said you could ask two questions in a row. I outta have you thrown out of here. But...my security is nonexistent at this point. Second...Pinkston. I found LC to be one of the most entertaining competitors back in the 2021 Mix. The fans really got behind his limited but increasing move set. I have no doubt he’s come a long way since then and will be very, very interested to see where he goes on draft night.
~Fedora guy tries to ask another question but Welsh rips the knob off the old, cheap AC unit and throws it at him, shutting him up~
Marcus Welsh: Next...let’s get a question from this guy over here, dude wearing the “Zelda Rules” T-shirt.
Zelda Fan: Why is this so similar to Legend of Zelda?
Marcus Welsh: I refuse to answer that. Ask me something else or eat my fuck.
Zelda Fan: Fine, geez. Give me one name you’d never heard of that looks very, very impressive to you.
Marcus Welsh: See? There’s a good question. Here’s one...Alexander Raven. No idea who this wrestler was before he enlisted. I saw him hanging around the office...heard the name and was like “Is that James Raven’s son?” Or relative, or whatever. Turns out the only thing he has in common with James...or Knox, for that matter, is talent. A talent like Alexander Raven is the exact reason why I do this...the ability to work with skilled wrestlers you never knew were in the business. I can’t wait to see where he goes on draft night.
~Welsh’s phone goes off. His Dominos Pizza is 5 min away~
Marcus Welsh: Alright, last question. Let’s go...you over there, guy who just acted like he was scratching his nose but was actually picking it.
Nose Guy: I have allergies, okay? Don’t make fun of me. Since this is the last question...can you run down the names that have enlisted that are unknowns, in your mind. And what do they need to do to, I don’t know, impress you before draft night?
Marcus Welsh: Well, we’d be talking about Shay, Glum, Martina Richards, Merica, and Gabriel Landry. Five competitors I’m very intrigued with...just want to get to know more about them. I’ve had some talks with Shay and she’s very nice. Landry seems really excited to be involved. Martina has a ton of passion for this. Glum is a sad clown. And Merica...well, he’s very patriotic in a sorta ‘I’m gonna internet terrorize you’ kinda way. I’d say these five really need to show me and the other two owners something that makes them stand out...this is a big field of incredible talent so what makes you worthy of being drafted? I’ve got four picks...why should I make you one of the four I pick? It’s that simple. If you want it, show it...earn it.
~Welsh gets a notification his pizza has arrived~
Marcus Welsh: Alright, everybody out.
~He ushers the reporters out. They labor, heavy breathing...but they manage to all squeeze-out. As they do, the pizza guy walks past them~
Fedora Guy: Dominos? Eww. They’ve really gone downhill.
Marcus Welsh: Shut up, and get the hell out of here, Fedora guy!
~Welsh takes his pizza and signs the receipt before slamming his motel door shut~
Pizza Guy: No tip? Cheap ass mother fucker.
~Fade to black~