Post by edgarwallaby on Nov 12, 2023 18:37:10 GMT -5
A bunch of grumpy wallabies sulk in front of Edgar.
Look I wasn’t in charge of the travel arrangements for The Ghost Ship. I had no control of you guys not being on there.
They don’t accept his explanation.
Yes I’m aware you wanted a vacation, but maybe not playing Pirates of the Caribbean was good for all you. Anyway, I got outdone by that heavy set dude who throws nickels at peoples. I underestimated him, my bad.
One of the wallabies point out how accomplished Nickelman is, even before he stepped foot on the ghost ship.
Hindsight is great, at the time I didn’t bloody well know he’s a legend.
The Wallabies then mock Edgar for also getting beat by Glum the Clown.
No Glum did not beat me, as far as I remember heavy set dude came running at us like he was coming from hell, and double clotheslined us both at the same time, and cannon balled ontop of us. It bloody hurt, too much nickels in his system.
The wallabies growl, hiss, and cough communicating something to Edgar.
I am doing something about it. I’m dusting myself off, getting back up, and going again. I’m not crying like a little bitch about it. This Tribulations thing is another opportunity, only difference is, this time instead of a battle royal, I have to earn myself a spot against four people who may or may not show up.
Rocko, one of the younger wallabies has already lost interest in Edgars promo, and starts chewing on his wrestling boots.
No Rocko, bad boy. Don’t eat my wrestling kicks, I’ve got the cows to herd in the morning, they’re multifunctional.
Edgar was a farmer apparently, but not a very good one. Herding cows is not a thing, they’re known as Cowherds.
No Not a Coward. Cowherds. Listen to the narrator Windy.
Windy was another Wallaby.
Right so, Ronnie Cain, Thaddeus Duke, Lachlan Kane and Mark Cross. The Breath of Naga, we’re going to Kampuchea.
Wally the Wallaby disputes what Edgar just said.
It’s not Cambodia Wally, It’s Kampuchea.
Wally the Wallaby manages to bring up a Wikipedia page.
How the hell did you learn how to use a mobile phone. And Wikipedia can be edited by anyone, it’s not a reliable source.
The Wallabies facepalm. It would have been cool if my camera guy was able to get a photo of multiple wallabies facepalming, but he’s a douche and has nothing.
Thaddues and Lachlan have already been apart of the The Bravery Trials, so they know this song and dance, and could arguably if they show up, blow the rest of us out the water.
Uh-Oh.
Thankfully I got my floaties, and a snorkel ready just in case.
The Wallabies point out that Preah Vihear Pram Pi Lven is not near the water.
Look I don’t know how you all just flawlessly said the locations name, but I’m not going to attempt doing that and butcher it. Let’s just call it P V P P L, that’s the initials of it so it’s good enough. But what I plan to do is butcher both Mark Cross and Ronnie Cain.
Them were fighting words.
Mark Cross, the British tosser who claims to be a dragon. Who wouldn’t want to get behind a British guy who kicks people hard in the face for money? For starters, me, and anybody else. You’re not a dragon mate, you’d barely be able to go up against Charmander, let alone The Breath of Naga. Amateur. I’ll kick you hard in your nuts, and I’ll do it for free. Or one of my wallabies will do it. If I can get their tourist visas sorted out and the Triad people let them near the dragons.
Pretty please.
As for you Ronnie Cain.
Hang on a minute, I’m getting nothing from google.
Edgar looked frantically on his phone for some dirt on Ronnie Cain. So he shoots off a text to an anonymous source for information.
Oh ok, Veronica “Ronnie” nee Strader now Cain. I wouldn’t have gotten that, if not from some help from a phenomenal source.
The Wallabies gasp.
I am not breaking any walls, especially not four. I’m trying to cut a promo here. So Ronnie Cain, a girl who has a vagina. I think that’s fairly straightforward.
The Wallabies gasp again.
That is not misogynistic, that’s what she wrote on her biography. She’s a TransAtlantic…
One of the Wallabies has a question.
Uhh no I don’t think that’s her identity, she just made it clear she’s a girl with a vagina, I think that’s just a confusing championship name. This is why that company is not The Triad, best company in the whole wide world.
Cheap plug, Edgar is trying to get over.
I think as long as I can avoid her eating pedigree dog food which is also her finisher my friend of misery, I’ll be ok. It’s understandable considering many people in the world are going through a cost of living crisis which means they cannot afford real food and are denegrated to have to eat animal food. But times are tough. Unluckily for Ronnie, it’s going to get even tougher for her because I will go all Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on her. Eating dog food will be the least of her worries, because she won’t be getting past me.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie… Oi Oi Oi!
The Wallabies do not reciprocate the chant, because they are wallabies, and do not identify with any country as there is no concept of geography to them. The Wallabies were hungry, so Edgar took a break and went to find some grass and leafy patches to avoid a bunch of rowdy wallabies kicking off.
After a certain amount of time had passed, and the wallabies were fed, Edgar returned. The scene was ominous, even though there was no indication where this scene was taking place in the first instance. Let’s say Narnia because this is all bullshit anyway.
Before I go back on Lachlan Kane, and Thaddeus Duke, two of the biggest hitters who may or may not be participating in this matchup. Just a quick word for Alexander Raven, who was successful on Night One of The Tribulations. Thank you for getting rid of that imposter Roo, Jmont, and Ricky, and Bonnie who was too much of a pussy to even show up. No pun intended. If given the opportunity I would relish the chance to go toe to toe with him. Naturally I would smoke him because I’m the Wonder from Down Under, but props where props are due. Dude’s a killer.
That’s hypotheticals though, just as hypothetically facing the winner of Night 3 from either LCP, Shazzah Nasty, Matt Know, MMS? Or SMS? & Erin Blue, who I guess is a lady named Erin and she is Blue, like a smurf. Can’t be looking too far ahead, because first I got a job to do. Ronnie and Mark have been covered, but what about Lachlan Kane.
A legit threat, who did a fair shout to prove who they are in The Bravery Trials. Maybe the exotic food disagrees with their stomach, they get food poisoning or constipated, and while they’re under the weather, I slip one over them and catch them on a sneak attack. Or I wear Harry Potters invisibility cloak and they don’t see me coming. Either that or he slays the Dragon of Mark Cross, and I cut a deal with the Naga Dragon to fireball Lachlan Kane. The possibilities are endless.
The Wallabies hope Lachlan Kane doesn’t molly whoop Edgar, because the way he’s going he’ll end up with egg on his face.
As for Thaddeus Duke, another individual just like Lachlan who was apart of The Bravery Trials and did a fair shout to prove who they were. I don’t think he has anything to prove by taking part, but then again maybe he’d want to show up just to shut me up. Well mate, I’d like to see you bloody try. And if you do, I’ll be wearing a cardboard cutout of Lachlan Kane over my face. So you misdirect your anger to the wrong individual, and while you’re focused on having a pissing contest between the two of you of who did it better in The Bravery Trials, I’ll be taking my victory by out witting the both of you. Because Wit is important, just as Bravery and Strength is, and that is the key to the Triad. Or so I’m led to believe.
I do have a legitimate question for you though Thad. Are you named after the university Duke, or that dosser who got cucked by the Queen for over 60 year? Either way step up to me and you’re getting a royal ass whooping, is what Lachlan Kane said! So you should be taking up that smack talk with him, and getting a bar of soap to clean out his potty mouth.
Aussie, Aussie, Aussie… Oi Oi Oi!
Edgar was hoping pitting Lachlan and Thad against each other, who would be a smart strategy to victory. Only time would tell. Let the Tribulations on the road to Strength begin.
Wallabies chop out. The End. Thank Lord Zordon!