Sid and Marcus Present "12 Days of TRIAD Christmas"

‘12 Days of TRIAD Christmas’ as performed by Sid Buckley, Sid Buckley’s hair, and Marcus Welsh.

~We open to a cozy little cabin living room. A fire crackles in the background. Sid and Marcus are both seated in large, leather chairs. Sid’s wearing a Santa outfit. Welsh is sporting a TRIAD-themed Christmas sweater. Each man has a giant sack at their feet, between their legs. Lots of mirth in this room. LOTS OF MIRTH~

Sid Buckley: Hello TRIAD Triangulers. Welcome to this TRIAD Christmas Special. I’m your host Sid Buckley and alongside me is the banished Marcus Welsh.

Marcus Welsh: Thanks for that, Sid.

~Marcus shoots Sid an angry look. Sid meets his gaze. A moment of intense silence…immediately broken by laughter. We’re all in the Christmas spirit here~

Sid Buckley: You’ve got some time on your hands, Marcus.

Marcus Welsh: Boy, do I!

Sid Buckley: So, how about we sing a TRIAD version of 12 Days of Christmas for all our Triangulers out there?

Marcus Welsh: That sounds like a great idea, Sid!

Sid Buckley: Alright, Triangulers. Nestle in. Grab a cup of hot chocolate and put on your best Christmas sweatshirt because we’re about to take you through a very, merry TRIAD 12 Days of Christmas.

~Sid looks to Marcus. Marcus looks back. Both men smile with the fire crackling behind them~

Sid Buckley: You want to get us started?

Marcus Welsh: Boy, would I!

~Welsh clears his throat~

Marcus Welsh: On…on…o-on…

~Welsh reaches for his throat, tilting his head. He snags a cup of hot chocolate and takes a sip~

Marcus Welsh: Ah, that hit the spot.

Sid Buckley: Always does!

~Welsh is ready now. The music starts and Welsh holds up a picture of Nickleman~

Marcus Welsh: On the first day of Christmas Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

~Sid reaches over, tapping Marcus on the chest. Welsh wears a confused expression. Sid reaches into the sack between his legs and removes a photo of Sean Parker, pointing at it and smiling. Marcus laughs and slings the photo of Nickleman into the fire. Sid howls, handing the Parker photo over to Marcus. Welsh holds it up and starts over~

Marcus Welsh: On the first day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

~Marcus reaches into the sack between his legs~

Marcus Welsh: A swiss bank account to hide all your muh-hu-uh-neeeeyyyyyy!!!

~Sid looks at Welsh. The two men continue to sway to the music~

Marcus Welsh: He’s getting married soon. Just trying to save a brother from another mother from making the biggest financial mistake of his life.

Sid Buckley: Ah.

~They continue to sway. Welsh throws Parker’s gift out of frame~

Sid Buckley: On the second day of Christmas Sid Buckley gave to thee…

~An image of ALIAS appears. Sid retrieves a package from his sack of gifts.~

Sid Buckley: A nicotine patch to stay cancer freeeeeeee!

~Marcus nods as Sid tosses the box aside.~

Marcus Welsh: You can't ignore your health!

~Sid and Welsh chuckle as the tune makes its way round back to the start. Welsh hums and sways~

Marcus Welsh: On the third day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

~An image of Cat Cortes appears. Welsh dips into the sack between his legs~

Marcus Welsh: A month-long trip to Disney World with her familyyyyyyy!!!

Sid Buckley: Family time is important, Marcus.

Marcus Welsh: It’s where the heart and skull are at, Sid.

Sid Buckley: Skull?

Marcus Welsh: Soul.

Sid Buckley: Ah.

~The music picks back up as the two men continue to sway and smile~

Sid Buckley: On the fourth day of Christmas, Sid Buckley gave to thee…

~Now an image of Dickie Watson appears. Sid digs through the bag.~

Sid Buckley: Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamityyyyy

Marcus Welsh: What the hell is that?

Sid Buckley: You’re so old.

Marcus Welsh: Not old enough!

~The two men share a hearty laugh with the fire crackling behind them as the song makes its way back around. Sid hums as Welsh taps his toe and sways his head back and forth~

Marcus Welsh: On the fifth day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee

~An image of Dionysus shows up. Welsh digs into the sack between his legs and reveals…~

Marcus Welsh: A plaque commemorating his impressive run as champion of teeveeeeeee!!!

Sid Buckley: It’s been a hell of a run, hasn’t it?

Marcus Welsh: Incredible run. We should reference it more.

Sid Buckley: You should!

~The two men share a nice laugh, toasting their hot chocolate as the song comes back around~

Sid Buckley: On the sixth day of Christmas, Sid Buckley gave to thee…

~An image of Anthony Mancini appears. Sid digs around in the sack of gifts. It’s a big one!~

Sid Buckley: A shovel to bury your bodieeeeees!

Marcus Welsh: Practical, I like it.

Sid Buckley: Just hope he doesn’t use it on you.

Marcus Welsh: Why would it be me?

Sid Buckley: What are we on, seventh day?

~Sid gives Welsh the signal to carry on.~

Marcus Welsh: On the seventh day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

~Welsh takes his right hand and shoves it straight into the sack between his legs, digging around as a photo of Spencer Adams appears~

Marcus Welsh: A comprehensive pro wrestler directoryyyyyy

Sid Buckley: Whatever for, Marcus?

Marcus Welsh: Spencer Claus is making his list and he needs to check it twice, Sid.

Sid Buckley: He sure does like his lists!

~Both men have a friendly chuckle with the fire crackling behind them as the song comes back around~

Sid Buckley: On the eighth day of Christmas, Sid Buckley gave to thee…

~An image of Harvey Marx shows as Sid begins digging deep into his bag for a small card.~

Sid Buckley: A year of SportzSportzSportz+++ on meeeeeeee!

Marcus Welsh: Now that’s value!

Sid Buckley: Don’t say I never did anything nice for you, Harvey.

~Both men smile as the song comes back around and Welsh does a brief bit of conducting with his right hand before easing into the song~

Marcus Welsh: On the ninth day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

~An image of SEB appears as Welsh takes both hands and rummages around through the giant sack between his legs~

Marcus Welsh: One free session of sensual massage therapyyyy!!!

Sid Buckley: Heyo, Marcus!

Marcus Welsh: The holidays can be tough when you’re single, Sid. I’m just looking out for my boy.

Sid Buckley: If you got anymore of those free sessions…I’m just saying.

Marcus Welsh: Haha Sid, you ole tom cat!

~The two share a boisterous laugh as Welsh furtively slides a coupon into Sid’s hand. The music comes back round~

Sid Buckley: On the tenth day of Christmas, Sid Buckley gave to thee…

~Sahara’s image appears, and Sid reaches down into the bag once more.~

Sid Buckley: A book on setting family boundariiiiiies!

Marcus Welsh: Good one! But also, I’ve sent a generous gift basket your way, CHAMP!

Sid Buckley: What?!

~Welsh reaches into his sack and reveals a box of Butterfingers. He winks into camera. Sid reaches out and gives him a playful punch in the shoulder as both men laugh with the fire crackling behind them. The song comes back round and Welsh hums the tune before falling in line~

Marcus Welsh: On the eleventh day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

~An image of Dadbod appears while Welsh digs into the giant sack between his legs~

Marcus Welsh: My personal phone number so a real man can make Trina happyyyyyy!!!

Sid Buckley: Hey now!

Marcus Welsh: It’s the giving season, Sid and I’m in the giving mood!

~Sid shrugs and nods.~

Sid Buckley: On the twelfth day of Christmas, Sid Buckley gave to thee…

~An image of Matt Knox shows up. Sid digs through the now mostly empty bag for his final gift.~

Sid Buckley: Some new face paint to add a smileyyyyy!

Marcus Welsh: What?

Sid Buckley: I bought it for Glum.

Marcus Welsh: Ah.

Sid Buckley: But I still think this works!

~Welsh says ‘it works’ Sid nods repeating ‘yea, it works’ Welsh smiles and says ‘yep, it works’ Sid nods his head with confidence ‘it works'.  The song starts to die down and Sid leans forward~

Sid Buckley: And thus…

~But then the song takes a turn and comes back round as the camera zooms in on Marcus with Sid looking confused~

Marcus Welsh: On the thirteenth day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

Sid Buckley: Thirteenth?!

~A photo of Vhodka appears as Welsh digs into the giant sack between his legs~

Marcus Welsh: A plastic bag that you can wrap around your head tightlyyyyyy

Sid Buckley: Whoa, Marcus!

~The song comes back around quicker than before. Marcus’ eyes start to gain this maniacal look about them~

Marcus Welsh: Sid…

Sid Buckley: What?

Marcus Welsh: The song…

Sid Buckley: It only goes up to twelve.

Marcus Welsh: On the fourteenth day of Christmas…sing it, Sid.

Sid Buckley: I’m not going to ruin the purity of this 12 item'd formula.

~Welsh pulls out a revolver from his giant sack~

Marcus Welsh: Sing the damn song!

Sid Buckley: ON THE FOURTEENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS, SID BUCKLEY GAVE TO THEE

~A photo of Stratford appears as Sid hurriedly fumbles around with the giant sack between his legs~

Sid Buckley: A tanning bed…

~Welsh takes the gun and shakes it in the direction of Sid~

Sid Buckley: So he can get stuck inside and die all fried and crispyyyyyy…

~Sid nervously looks Welsh’s way~

Marcus Welsh: Good. Now, was that so fuckin hard?

~The song comes back round as Welsh waves the gun around with one hand and takes a sip from a bottle inside a brown paper bag with the other~

Marcus Welsh: On the fifteenth day of Christmas, Marcus Welsh gave to thee…

Sid Buckley: No, not more days.

~Welsh reaches into his giant sack as a photo of Sarah Wolf appears~

Marcus Welsh: A taser gun so she can accidentally tase herself, bite off her tongue with those sharp teeth, choke on it and suffocate in her own puke so she’ll die all messilyyyyyyy!!!

~Our camera slowly pans to the side from Welsh’s crazed look over to Sid. Sid’s face slides into view, his eyes wide, sweat forming on his forehead. The song comes back round…the revolver inches into view from the side of the screen, the safety clicking off. Sid swallows hard~

Sid Buckley: On the sixteenth day of Christmas, Sid Buckley gave to thee!!!

~Sid’s trembling hands reach into his giant sack as a photo of Bacchus appears~

Sid Buckley: Open toed shoes so he’ll run into his bedroom dresser and stub his toe painfullyyyyy…

~The song slows, it almost stops. The gun is still pointed at Sid. Sid stares straight ahead. We all await the verdict~

Marcus Welsh: Fuck it, Bacchus is alright. That’ll do.

~Welsh pulls the gun away and Sid falls back into his chair, exhaling. The song settles in toward the end~

Sid Buckley: This has been…

~Sid’s voice cracks. He sits up and clears his throat~

Sid Buckley: This has been 12 Days of TRIAD Christmas from Sid and Marcus.

~The camera pans over to Welsh. He’s leaning back, scratching his head with the gun, a cigar hanging out of his mouth, his Santa top fully unbuttoned and a bottle of whiskey in his other hand, he brings it to his mouth and bites the top off. He takes a sip and fires the gun into the air, pieces of the ceiling rain down as Sid sprints away in the background~

Marcus Welsh: Merry Christmas.

~We fade out~