The Penelope, Mario Maurako, and The Ancient Foe

Post by Plethora the Perilous on Feb 18, 2024 21:34:58 GMT -5

Your television screen goes from darkness to a moment of static to the image of a West Virginia valley. Row houses, shacks, and mobile homes combine in a massive compound surrounded by a wall. Hundreds of people in Grim Reaper style robes walk about, completing tasks. None of them take their hoods off. None of them stick out. They are all just Plethora-ish figures - hundreds of them - working away to make their new society work.


Narrator (thick Russian accent): When OCW folded, the Second Chance Ranch had just begun. A place where the forgotten, the lost, the downtrodden could come for a second chance. Criminals, ex-cons, those who had been failed by a failed system came here to find their new life - and find it they did. Under the leadership of the True Plethora, they found hope. They all became one with him..


The screen flashes to static again and then we see a recap of the last 25 years of The Big BIfford: summoning a demon as a child, killing his first girlfriend, marrying Martha Stewart, a newspaper headline about their divorce, winning the OCW Championship, the murders, the cannibal chicken sandwich empire, going to prison, the headlines of him being released from prison after only a short while, the folding of the cannibal chicken sandwich empire, winning and losing the OCW Championship in the latest run, having to put the Plethora robe on again before the last Illuminatus, them freeing Kenny the Intern from prison (which is the reason he needs to keep the robe on), and then the founding of the Second Chance Ranch cult. The video closes with Bifford and Mayor Joyce shaking hands as a new cannibal sandwich empire is launched in Bifford's Sandwiches of Partridge. In just about 2 minutes the entire history is shown - though it's so quick that it would be confusing to a non-regular viewer. 

The screen fades to darkness.. when it returns to light, about a dozen people in Plethora robes are standing in a GreyHound Station. It appears there are no normal customers at the station, just the people in robes. One of them pulls their robe back and it's Bifford.


Bifford: Hoods off..


Kenny (taking his hood off): Bifford, I thought the whole point of the robes was that we never took the hood off, so nobody knows who you and I are, since we're wanted by the police..


Bifford: Nobody else is here.. Mayor Joyce has the whole block barricaded off for us. 


The rest of the folks in their robes pull their hoods back and we see all of the standard Bifford characters: Martha Stewart, Kenny's murderous Aunt Bella, Kenny the Intern, Buffy the Demon, the ghost of Martin Ka'Berryon, several unnamed cult members, and Earl the Popcorn Salesman who has been by Bifford's side since the beginning of his career.


Bifford: I have important missions for you all.. you'll be going to stalk my teammates for the Triad and will bring me information on them..


Kenny: Bifford, shouldn't you be more worried about your opponents than your partners?


Bifford: Kenny, shut up. Mario Maurako is on my team. He is MY SWORN MORTAL ENEMY. I have VOWED TO GET REVENGE AND -


Earl: Revenge for what, man? You've literally pinned him every time you've been in the ring together. What is this feud even about?


Bifford: Uh.. well.. I'm not really sure. But I need to know what they're doing. So wear your robes, stalk them, find out what they're up to and report.. Follow them for THE REST OF THE TRIALS. Oh, and if find any of their friends, family members, managers, etc.. in a vulnerable place, kidnap them and bring them back to the Ranch. We'll put them in the jail and talk them into joining us..


Earl and Kenny both look pretty uncomfortable.


Bifford: Aunt Bella and Martha take some of these newbies, you'll follow this Untitled Character.. no murdering anyone, Bella..


Kenny's murderous aunt looks disdainful as she puts a cleaver back into her purse. Then she along with Martha Stewart, take some of the unnamed cult members and head off.


Bifford: Buffy the Demon.. take some of these newbies with you and go stalk Mario.. I want his damn son in that jail as soon as possible.. no delays.


Buffy nods and her and several cult members disappear into a burst of flames, showing to new viewers that she apparently can do magic. This leaves Bifford alone with his longest allies Earl the Popcorn Salesman and Kenny the Intern, along with the ghost of Martin Ka'Berryon.


Bifford: You three will go stalk this Corey Black fellow.. I'm not sure what to make of him, so be careful..


Kenny: Bifford, you need to focus on your opponents..


Bifford: Hogstein and Penelope?


Bifford pronounced Penelope very incorrectly.


Kenny: That's not how you say that..


Bifford: Oh it's definitely how I say that.. Now, be on your way..


Bifford turned and put his hood back up, disappearing into the robes and becoming Plethora the Perilous once again. His strides took him out of the bus station quickly.


Earl: He's getting kind of old for this..


Kenny: The weird thing is.. I feel he's even more dangerous now.. He knows his time is short and he has some sort of.. evil plan.


Earl: Can Martin the Ghost talk?


Kenny: I don't know.. but I'm worried about those sounds at night.


Earl: I don't think we should be talking about this. You saw the demon lady disappear into flames.. Bifford can hear us.. hell, he might be able to hear our thoughts.


Kenny: Earl.. something is going on.. under the Second Chance Ranch.. I know you hear it at night. Something is being built... underground.


The two men look uneasily at each other as the scene fades to darkness.

At the town hall of the Second Chance Ranch Cult, various cult members, all dressed in Plethora Robes, scurry about doing administrative tasks, answering phones, opening mail, etc. The door to the town hall swings open and a much larger Plethora, obviously Bifford, walks in. Everyone stops what they're doing and watches as he walks through the lobby. He walks to an elevator that wasn't there the last time we saw this building a year ago. He clicks the button and disappears inside. Once in the elevator, Bifford removes the robe and looks at the camera.


Bifford: Just a few little stops..


The elevator door opens again and Bifford is in a dark dungeon/jail atmosphere. He steps out of the elevator and walks up to a cell with bars for a door. Inside is Cornelius Cook, the lawyer that lost the trial that sent Kenny to prison. Bifford leans on the jail cell while Cornelius sits inside, his eyes looking like he's been through a lot over the past year.


Bifford: Cornelius Cook.. do you know what I'm doing this week?


Cook: You know the guards talk, right? I know you're back to wrestling.


Bifford: Well, I'm not just back to wrestling.. I'm going back to the Illuminatus and I'm going to make things right this time. Twice I've been screwed out of standing at the top of that pyramid and knowing I'm the best in the world. Some people stand in my way this time, but they'll be brushed aside. Mario Maurako will fall.. Shawn Bearstein will fall.. The Penelope will fall..


Cook: The what?


Bifford (pronouncing it very badly): The Penelope.


Cook: That's definitely not how you say that name.. 


Bifford laughs and shifts his weight.


Bifford: It's definitely how I say it.. This week I take on The Penelope and Shawn Houndstein. I weighed more than their combined weight at my slimmest, when I first began wrestling.. and now I stand here nearing the end of my journey and I have to destroy them both. Penelope can talk about the sirens of ancient stories that beckon her to the Illuminatus, but as a scholar of antiquity she should be aware that the Titans always win. I will stomp her into the mat and then turn my attention to Mr. Wolfstein..


Cook: I think it's Warstein.


Bifford: No, war is what I bring. I will walk into that ring and show them a clinic of what OCW is all about -


Cook: You're not in OCW anymore, Mr. Benson..


Bifford: Every ring is an OCW ring when Bifford takes it over. When I was over in GCWA, I took a boring federation and turned it into OCW.. The same will happen in the Triad. And do you know how my matches ended in OCW?


Cook: You're really gonna say it again? Isn't that schtick old?


Bifford: The schtick is old when it stops happening. I'm going to take The Penelope out and then I'm going to piledrive Shawn Goatstein into the mat and pin him clean in the middle.. Underdog stories don't exist in reality, only in the fakest of literature.. In the real world the strong survive and I will prove that my name goes down in history as the greatest Illuminatus participant of all time.. The Penelope and Larkstein are just in my way.. 


Cook: Bifford, I hear all the noises from upstairs and downstairs.. I know you're building things. Let me out of this cell, let me help with building permits. I'm a lawyer.


Bifford: You're never leaving this cell, Cornelius. You lost the trial, so you stay here forever. But you won't be alone for long.. Mario's son will be with you imminently.


Cook: You're kidnapping your partner's son? Putting him in a jail cell?


Bifford: I'm kidnapping the son of one of my greatest enemies.. but now I must leave you, Mr. Cook.. I have to deal with my greatest enemy of all..


Cornelius looks on with a look of horror in his eyes as Bifford walks back to the elevator and disappears into it.

On a GreyHound Bus, Kenny and Earl sit next to each other. Martin's ghost is seated behind them. The two men speak very quietly.


Kenny: They're building something underground, I tell you..


Earl: What are you so afraid of, Kenny? I'm sure he's got a plan..


Kenny: But neither of us are in on it.. we're his closest allies and he's sending us away, building something secretive underground.. I feel like this is a major plot-point in a book, and we're main characters that are being excluded from it..


Earl: So? There's nothing we can do.. why worry about it?


Kenny: Because for a long time I've suspected that Bifford is going to do something that leads to the end of life on earth. Remember 2020? Bifford's Sandwiches of Chicken opens in Wuhan, China - and then the world was never the same.. His actions have had global consequences before.


Earl: There's nothing we can do, Kenny.


Kenny: I know.. but I'm scared.

The elevator door opened again and Bifford stepped out, his Plethora hood down. He stepped into what appears to be a massive underground science lab. The people down here, far underground below the Second Chance Ranch, aren't dressed in Plethora robes. They wear white scientist gear and are moving about, doing various tasks. They don't stop when they see Bifford. Bifford walks by many of them and opens the door to a side room, which appears to be the office of the head scientist. A man with wild hair looks up from his desk and his eyes grow wide when he sees Bifford.


Sylvio: Mr. Benson! I wasn't expecting you.


Bifford: How is the main project coming along?


Sylvio: Well.. they're.. nearly full-grown. But we need to talk.. this plan of yours.. I told you we COULD execute it, but I have GRAVE moral concerns. 


Bifford: My ancient enemy must be done away with.. this is NOT negotiable.


Sylvio: Mr. Benson, please.. this plan of yours.. it could lead to.. I mean.. the extinction of the whole human race!

Walking to the side of the room, Bifford pulls a curtain to the side revealing a large window into an enclosure that is full of large insects. There have to be hundreds of thousands of them, fluttering about.


Sylvio: Mr. Benson.. if we release these.. they will destroy every single one of your.. enemies.. as you put it. But the consequences to the environment would be horrific. All of North America, perhaps most of South America, will become unlivable.. if these things manage to make it off the continents.. it could mean the end of humanity.


Bifford (growling): They need to be bigger.. stronger.. faster.. We need to eliminate every last one of my ancient foes..


Sylvio's eyes grow wide in terror.


Bifford: And if you don't do it, you'll find yourself in the jail with Cornelius Cook..


Bifford looks into the camera, his eyes gray and unfeeling - the eyes of Plethora the Perilous. 


Bifford: This week I take care of Foxstein and The Penelope.. then next is Mario Maurako.. and then I deal with my greatest enemy of all.. The Trees.


Pulling the hood back up, Bifford disappears into the robe. Only Plethora remains as the scene fades to darkness.