The Hanging of Mose and Kenny finally standing up to Bifford

For the first time in the history of Bifford promotional materials, showing the skills of new director Henri Bonhomme (kidnapped from Untitled), no static interrupts the darkness. Instead a slick transition from the darkness goes to a massive movie-style set that appears to be The Great Wall of China. Or something very similar. However as the camera pans out, it becomes clear that they're building a massive wall around Bifford's cult, The Second Chance Ranch. On top of one of the walkways at the top of the wall, we see a massive figure in a black robe. The camera pans in and Bifford stands there, hood down, looking out over a vast vista of open land in West Virginia. His eyes, either dull and gray or bright blue, depending on the perception of the viewer, seem empty. He looks into the distance, his thoughts not clear. However, soon we hear footsteps as someone approaches. Another man in a Plethora robe walks up behind Bifford and clears his throat. Bifford snaps out of his thoughts and turns to see the robed man. Pulling off the hood, we see that the man is Boris the Cannibal, Bifford's newly appointed right-hand-man. 


Boris (thick Russian accent): Heya, Boss.. listen.. there are some issues.


Bifford: What is it?


Boris: Well.. first off, a minor issue.. some of the.. community members.. they don't believe that was really Mose Maurako under that hood last week. There's.. whispering. 


Bifford nods and turns, looking back into the distance.


Bifford: Are the guards all keeping quiet about things?


Boris: Well, yes.. the guards for the prison where Mose WAS.. they're very loyal.


Bifford spins around, his eyes full of fury.


Bifford: WAS!?!?!?!


Boris: That's.. the bigger issue..


Bifford: WHERE IS MOSE MAURAKO?


Boris: Well.. one of those very loyal guards took him out for his daily walk in the sun.. and somehow Maurako got away. Mose has escaped the Second Chance Ranch and has made it back to American soil. Should we send people to find him?


Bifford: No.. but the guard will have to be executed.. tomorrow. 


Boris: Executed?


Bifford: Mose is gone.. we can't show weakness, Boris. We will "hang" Mose tomorrow.. but under that Plethora hood will be the guard that let my greatest enemy's son escape from my jail. He will die and my subjects will no longer whisper behind my back.. Fear! Fear is a good thing.


Boris: Uh.. well.. that's certainly.. one way to handle things.. but this guard.. he's had a very good record, until..


Bifford: Until he made the mistake he will die for. Tell the other guards to take him into solitary confinement until tomorrow. Call a meeting of the community tomorrow..  we will hang "Mose Maurako" for treason. And then we will introduce our community members to Dr. Sylvio, let them know our plan..

Boris hesitates and then nods, walking off. Bifford stands, looking frustrated, and staring into the distance.


Bifford: Well, Mario, you loser.. your son is in West Virginia if you want to send someone to fetch him. 


Bifford takes a few steps and then looks into the camera.


Bifford: You might think this is a sign of weakness.. a sign that things might be going awry for me - what my critics would love more than anything. But that's not going to happen. Tomorrow I'm going to squash an incompetent staff member, gain back the loyalty of my followers, get them onboard with my plan, and things will go swimmingly well for me. I don't have weaknesses. I don't get comeuppance. I'm not the villain in some bad novel. This is reality and I'm above the system.. I'm the Rothschilds, the Kochs, the Rockerfellers, the Kennedy's. Sure, presently I have to wear a hood to hide my identity, but that's just the current political climate.. But I have nothing to fear. There are winners and losers in this system.. it's fixed, and I've already won.


Taking a few more steps, Bifford comes to what appears to be a cannon going over the edge of the Great Wall set. He leans on it and looks into the camera.


Bifford: This week it's the battle of Shawn and Sean.


Bifford didn't pronounce Sean right. At all.


Bifford: A wise man once told me to never trust a Sean.. but I do actually trust you, Mr. Parker, more than I trust Shawn Whipperstein. After all, you're just a little guy. What are you going to do to me? Sure, you can fly, and sure you're fast.. technically savvy.. But at the end of the day, I'm going to step on you like you're a fly. I will crush you like you're a bug. Then I will pick up your remains, piledrive your carcass, and pick up two more points for my buddy White Dean. 


Bifford looks around for a bug, but he sees none. Saying "drats" under his breath he continues his walk along the Great Wall set, bypassing the cannon. 


Bifford: Now.. Shawn Whipperstein, We've met before and I know all of your tricks. But even though I see through your game, I was shocked this week that you decided to go with.. penis jokes? Really? That's definitely.. new and innovative. See, Shawn.. what's going to happen in Colorado is that I'm going to make sure you are incapacitated to the point that you will watch me pin Sean Parker and not be able to stop me. I want to see the agony in your eyes as you try to get there to stop me from pinning our foe again, just like with Penelope.


Some viewers might cringe as Bifford brutalized the pronunciations of both Penelope and Sean.


Bifford: At the end of the day, Shawn, you're a brawler trying to go fist to fist with Galactus or Thanos. I'm not a mere human like you.. so I will destroy you.. and I will make you watch yourself only get one point when you were so close to two. And just know - it will give me greater pleasure to deny you that point than to take the two points for myself. If the opportunity to pin you comes up, I might not take it.. because I want you to watch your own failure, Whipperstein. 


Smirking into the camera, Bifford begins to walk off without the camera following. As he pulls up the hood, he adds, "in life there are winners and losers.. Shawn, Sean.. I'm a winner.. and now, if you'll excuse me.. I have a cult to run." The scene faded to darkness.


Outside of a large shack with a sign in front that reads Department of Sanitation, a man waits wearing a black Plethora robe. The door to the shack opens and another robed man walks out to meet the other. They remove their hoods showing it to be Kenny the Intern and Earl the Popcorn Salesman.


Earl: How you holding up after your demotion?


Kenny: I'm okay.. did you hear about this meeting today? This can't be good. Losing to that Australian has to be eating him up inside. He's sure to do something impulsive and insane.


Earl: Yeah, I heard some workers talk about.. building.. gallows.. last night.


Kenny: You don't think this is what Buffy was talking about weeks ago, do you? The thing I have to stop?


Earl: It's gotta be, man.


In a burst of flames, Buffy the Demon appears behind them. Kenny screams like a little girl and Earl immediately laughs.


Earl: Dude she does it every time..


Kenny: You jumped too!


Buffy: Shut up, idiots.. We have time constraints here. But yeah, Kenny.. today is the day you have to stand up for him. But not over the gallows. The other thing.


Kenny: What other - 


As he began asking his question, Buffy disappeared into thin air. The two men pulled their hoods back up and went their separate ways.



Gathered around a massive stage with a gallows are hundreds of men, women, and yes even children in Plethora robes. They mill about and chat with one another, waiting for whatever meeting they've been called together for. A massive Plethora-figure walks up on stage and pulls off his hood. It's Bifford. 


Bifford: My friends, my loyal devotees.. thank you for coming together again. We have much to discuss. But first, some business.. Mario Maurako, my archnemesis's son Mose Maurako has shown himself to be totally incompetent and thus will be hung until he is dead.


Two guards, dressed like everyone else in the robes, drag another robbed man with his hood up on the stage.


In the crowd, the camera zooms in to where Earl and Kenny are standing and whispering. "How can we be sure that's actually Mose?" "I mean, you know Bifford.. it's probably not." 


The camera then focuses on the stage as they hang the faceless man who is supposedly Mose Maurako, but whom the home viewer knows to be one of Bifford's prison guards who let Mose escape. "Mose Maurako," Bifford began, "you are charged with Treason and Incompetence.. and for that, you die."

Without a moment of hesitation, the floor is pulled out from under the hooded figure and they are hung there. Some of the crowd gasp as they see him die. Bifford looks out into the crowd.


Bifford: Anyone who opposes me will face a similar end. Shawn Whipperstein and Sean Parker, my opponents this week, will feel similar wrath! 


The crowd slowly begins clapping and then the enthusiasm picks up.  The camera again finds where Kenny and Earl are standing in the crowd. "You sure you want to stand up to this psycho?" "If what Buffy says is true, we're dead either way.." "What?" "Don't you remember? She said he has some plan that might end humanity itself." "Oh yeah.. shit.. That sounds really bad."


The camera focuses back on Bifford.


Bifford: Many of you have heard noises coming from underground and I've told you there is a laboratory down there. Today.. I introduce you to the genius behind our greatest plan.. Dr. Sylvio Rousch. 


The crowd parts.. a crowd of nothing but people in black robes, except a doctor with long white hair, in a white lab coat. He walks through the part in the crowd toward the gallows where he sees the hooded man hanging. He climbs up onto the stage and looks at Bifford and then at the crowd, clearly terrified. In his hands, he clutches a cat-carrier. 


Bifford: Dr. Sylvio has been working to fix a problem I've had since childhood.. No, it's not any sort of penis size issue like Shawn Whipperstein has implied. And no, he's not been making silver spoons for me, Sean.. he's been developing a bug that will destroy my ancient foe.


The camera pans back to Earl and Kenny in the crowd. "Ancient foe?" Earl asked. Kenny gasped. "The trees.. what about the trees?"


The camera went back to Bifford who pushes Sylvio toward a microphone that has apparently been amplifying Bifford's voice.


Sylvio: Uhh... umm.. Hello, everyone. 


The crowd mumbles.


Sylvio: This is one of the.. specimens.. a type of giant insect that is intended to.. systematically target and kill.. trees.


The crowd's mumble increases.

Sylvio: You see.. there might be commercial uses in this when a forest is infected or overgrown.


Bifford shoves Sylvio away from the microphone.


Bifford: NO! This is not some scientific experiment to help the world. This is about ENDING my ancient foe. ALL OF THEM! The EXTINCTION of ALL TREES!


The crowd's mumbling suddenly goes dead silent as they ponder what they've just heard. Inside the cat carrier hissing is heard, the insect appears to be violent. But then silence returns, but it's broken in the most unexpected way. "NO!" a shout from the crowd. Long time viewers of Bifford would know the voice instantly and would know the epic scale of this moment. The high school aged intern Bifford recruited 24 years ago had finally verbally and publicly disagreed with his boss.


The crowd parted and Kenny the Intern walked up to the edge of the stage. Bifford stared down at him, his mouth ajar as though he couldn't believe what he heard/saw.


Kenny: I'm not going to let you do this, you DERANGED LUNAT-


Bifford snapped his fingers and two large men in Plethora robes emerged from the crowd and grabbed Kenny by his arms and began dragging him away. "To the jail.. Forever!" Bifford barked as he watched one of his most loyal subjects be carried away to his jail. 


The camera zoomed in again to where Earl was now standing without Kenny. Earl looked to the unknown person in a Plethora robe beside him and said, "kinda ironic.. Kenny being sent to Bifford's jail when this whole Second Chance Ranch thing was started because we had to go undercover after we broke Kenny out of jail." The other person doesn't react and just turns back to face the front. Earl looked a little worried.. and pretty lonely. 


Back on the stage, Bifford motioned to the massive crowd and just said "back to work, all of you.." And the crowd began dispersing. The camera zoomed back to Earl who began walking away, but found himself face to face with Buffy the Demon. "Kenny failed," Earl said. Buffy shook her head, "No.. he did exactly what he was supposed to do." The scene faded to darkness.