Post by MW on Jul 12, 2023 17:07:39 GMT -5
~We cut to a small bar on the beach. It’s late, Wednesday afternoon. It’s the Post-Trials party. Leo is walking around with a mic in his hand. We see decorations for Team Welsh set up all around. Nothing for the other two teams~
Leo: Hey all! I’m Leo with TRIAD and I’m here to get some unbiased fan feedback from last night’s amazing show! So, because it’s Wednesday and we all know what that entails, let’s get right to it!
~Leo spots a fan reading a script. He urgently tells them to put it away~
Leo: Looks like we got a bookworm over here, ha! Studying while on summer vacation. Truly a remarkable and, obviously, intelligent fan. So, intelligent fan...give us your thoughts on that opening match...what did you think?
Intelligent Fan: It was amazing. The greatest opening match in the history of opening matches. Only problem I had with it was that horrible Lachlan Kane costing Alexander Raven the match. It was clear, if you go back and look at the footage, Alexander Raven was about to snap Vhodka Black’s spine and win. Kane then reached in and screwed it all up. So, aside from the wrong person winning...it was a great match. Would’ve been a ten had Raven won like he was supposed to.
~Leo listens, in deep thought~
Leo: Very interesting. I hadn’t looked at it from that perspective but I think you might be on to something. I really appreciate your informed opinion and I will make sure we pass it along to the higher ups.
~The fan is handed some money. Leo moves along~
Leo: Okay, next up...we’ve got...well, what do you know...we’ve got this fan over here!
~A fan wearing a Marcus Welsh is Life shirt screams with joy~
Leo: A true TRIAD fan, no doubt. You look like you have your finger on the pulse of pro wrestling. So, tell us what you thought about that second match…
Welsh is Life Fan: Match of the night, BRO. That was so emotional, BRO. Like, I went through an entire box of tissues during last night’s event and at least half of those were used to soak up the tears I was tearing during that match, BRO. Tears of sadness that Stephen Stratford was fucked out of victory, BRO. Strat had to compete against an entire family, BRO. He should be awarded two points, BRO. No doubt, BRO. No doubt, BRO.
Leo: Well, okay then. I hope you get yourself another box of tissues.
Welsh is Life Fan: Me too cause there’s a lot of ass in Miami tonight, BRO.
Leo: Right, let’s move on.
~Leo looks around and sees a guy wearing a ‘This is Awesome’ shirt. He tries to walk past him but the guy flags Leo down~
This Is Awesome: I have something to say about the show.
Leo: Oh, do you now?
This Is Awesome: Yes. That third match, in particular.
Leo: Alright, fine, let’s hear it.
This Is Awesome: First off, I run a highly successful podcast. You have probably heard of me, we hit the 50 listener plateau just last week.
Leo: The match. Get to the match about the actual promotion you’re supposed to be talking about and let’s move away from yourself.
This Is Awesome: Alright, so first we had...who was it? Ah yes, Carolina Topaz. Great, veteran of the game. Kind of a rich bitch. No doubt because of that last name which is also a very valuable ore in Zelda: Breath of the Kingdom.
Leo: No, that’s not right at all.
This Is Awesome: Then you had..who was it?
Leo: Sarah Wolf.
This Is Awesome: Ah yes, Sarah Wolf. Sort of a red riding hood type character that likes to visit old people and bring them things. A real charitable person. Big time face. I was pulling very hard for her.
Leo: What on Earth are you talking about.
This Is Awesome: And finally we had...who was it again? Ah yes, the guy in the hat.
Leo: Mask.
This Is Awesome: That’s what I said. The thing about masked wrestlers is that you never quite know what they are about and what their gimmick is so I had no idea where this wrestler’s allegiance lay or what they were all about. So a huge question mark going into this one...very mysterious.
Leo: His name is MERICA.
This Is Awesome: Great match overall that I can’t wait to see unfold.
Leo: It happened last night.
This Is Awesome: Terrific. I’m gonna order a round of unwashed buttholes, you want one?
Leo: What in god’s name is that?
This Is Awesome: It’s great. They take a shot glass and...you see Carl over there? Three hundred pound monster of a man watching the door? Well he’s been working all day and has a massive case of swamp ass. So he just sticks the shot glass up his ass, between both cheeks, and sits on it for a second. Then hands it back to the bartender and they fill it up with, well, whatever you want.
Leo: Disgusting.
This Is Awesome: Wanna shoot an unwashed butthole with me?
Leo: I want you to shut the fuck up.
This Is Awesome: Excuse me? I’m sorry, but did I say something that might have offended you?
Leo: You’re entire aura is offensive.
This Is Awesome: Well, if you have a problem with me or anything I’ve said, I’d appreciate it if you emailed me so we could discuss this further.
Leo: No.
~Leo walks away. This Is Awesome downs an unwashed butthole. Leo locates a group of female fans~
Leo: Now we’re talking!
Female Fans: LEO!!
Leo: Please, you can call me...Leon.
Female Fans: OOOOHHHHH
Leo: La-La. Anyway, ladies...last night’s main event...how awesome was Thad?
Female Fans: Thad? What about Penelope!
Leo: Oh nobody cares about Penelope.
Female Fans: Are you kidding us? The soul! The way she handled both Thad and LCP...so impressive!
Leo: Forget Penelope. Let’s talk about…
~The lights in the bar dim. The female fans stare at Leo with murderous intent. It’s like they are three Penelopes. Leo backs away~
Leo: Okay, nevermind, you three have a lovely evening. Umm…
~Leo heads for the bar...he climbs on top of it and yells out~
Leo: Let’s hear it for Thad!
~The bar cheers~
THE LCP Fan: AND LCP!
Leo: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
~The fan is silenced by Leo's aggression. Leo composes himself~
Leo: Let’s hear it for Team Welsh!
~Not so many cheers~
Leo: Round of drinks for everybody if they cheer for Team Welsh.
~That’s better~
Leo: Let’s hear it for Team Welsh~
Entire Bar: FOR TEAM WELSH!!!
Leo: Hell yea! We’re gonna own these Trials! And now...let’s hear it for…
Voice: Glum! LET’S CHEER FOR GLUM HE NEEDS IT!
Leo: Wait, no.
Bar: GLUM! GLUM! GLUM! GLUM!
Leo: STOP!
Bar: GLUM! GLUM! GLUM! GLUM!
~Leo tries to calm the bar down. We cut outside to Welsh. He’s watching preparations being made for the journey to Puerto Rico. He hears the chanting. His eyes narrow~
Marcus Welsh: The hell are they chanting in there…
~We fade out~
Leo: Hey all! I’m Leo with TRIAD and I’m here to get some unbiased fan feedback from last night’s amazing show! So, because it’s Wednesday and we all know what that entails, let’s get right to it!
~Leo spots a fan reading a script. He urgently tells them to put it away~
Leo: Looks like we got a bookworm over here, ha! Studying while on summer vacation. Truly a remarkable and, obviously, intelligent fan. So, intelligent fan...give us your thoughts on that opening match...what did you think?
Intelligent Fan: It was amazing. The greatest opening match in the history of opening matches. Only problem I had with it was that horrible Lachlan Kane costing Alexander Raven the match. It was clear, if you go back and look at the footage, Alexander Raven was about to snap Vhodka Black’s spine and win. Kane then reached in and screwed it all up. So, aside from the wrong person winning...it was a great match. Would’ve been a ten had Raven won like he was supposed to.
~Leo listens, in deep thought~
Leo: Very interesting. I hadn’t looked at it from that perspective but I think you might be on to something. I really appreciate your informed opinion and I will make sure we pass it along to the higher ups.
~The fan is handed some money. Leo moves along~
Leo: Okay, next up...we’ve got...well, what do you know...we’ve got this fan over here!
~A fan wearing a Marcus Welsh is Life shirt screams with joy~
Leo: A true TRIAD fan, no doubt. You look like you have your finger on the pulse of pro wrestling. So, tell us what you thought about that second match…
Welsh is Life Fan: Match of the night, BRO. That was so emotional, BRO. Like, I went through an entire box of tissues during last night’s event and at least half of those were used to soak up the tears I was tearing during that match, BRO. Tears of sadness that Stephen Stratford was fucked out of victory, BRO. Strat had to compete against an entire family, BRO. He should be awarded two points, BRO. No doubt, BRO. No doubt, BRO.
Leo: Well, okay then. I hope you get yourself another box of tissues.
Welsh is Life Fan: Me too cause there’s a lot of ass in Miami tonight, BRO.
Leo: Right, let’s move on.
~Leo looks around and sees a guy wearing a ‘This is Awesome’ shirt. He tries to walk past him but the guy flags Leo down~
This Is Awesome: I have something to say about the show.
Leo: Oh, do you now?
This Is Awesome: Yes. That third match, in particular.
Leo: Alright, fine, let’s hear it.
This Is Awesome: First off, I run a highly successful podcast. You have probably heard of me, we hit the 50 listener plateau just last week.
Leo: The match. Get to the match about the actual promotion you’re supposed to be talking about and let’s move away from yourself.
This Is Awesome: Alright, so first we had...who was it? Ah yes, Carolina Topaz. Great, veteran of the game. Kind of a rich bitch. No doubt because of that last name which is also a very valuable ore in Zelda: Breath of the Kingdom.
Leo: No, that’s not right at all.
This Is Awesome: Then you had..who was it?
Leo: Sarah Wolf.
This Is Awesome: Ah yes, Sarah Wolf. Sort of a red riding hood type character that likes to visit old people and bring them things. A real charitable person. Big time face. I was pulling very hard for her.
Leo: What on Earth are you talking about.
This Is Awesome: And finally we had...who was it again? Ah yes, the guy in the hat.
Leo: Mask.
This Is Awesome: That’s what I said. The thing about masked wrestlers is that you never quite know what they are about and what their gimmick is so I had no idea where this wrestler’s allegiance lay or what they were all about. So a huge question mark going into this one...very mysterious.
Leo: His name is MERICA.
This Is Awesome: Great match overall that I can’t wait to see unfold.
Leo: It happened last night.
This Is Awesome: Terrific. I’m gonna order a round of unwashed buttholes, you want one?
Leo: What in god’s name is that?
This Is Awesome: It’s great. They take a shot glass and...you see Carl over there? Three hundred pound monster of a man watching the door? Well he’s been working all day and has a massive case of swamp ass. So he just sticks the shot glass up his ass, between both cheeks, and sits on it for a second. Then hands it back to the bartender and they fill it up with, well, whatever you want.
Leo: Disgusting.
This Is Awesome: Wanna shoot an unwashed butthole with me?
Leo: I want you to shut the fuck up.
This Is Awesome: Excuse me? I’m sorry, but did I say something that might have offended you?
Leo: You’re entire aura is offensive.
This Is Awesome: Well, if you have a problem with me or anything I’ve said, I’d appreciate it if you emailed me so we could discuss this further.
Leo: No.
~Leo walks away. This Is Awesome downs an unwashed butthole. Leo locates a group of female fans~
Leo: Now we’re talking!
Female Fans: LEO!!
Leo: Please, you can call me...Leon.
Female Fans: OOOOHHHHH
Leo: La-La. Anyway, ladies...last night’s main event...how awesome was Thad?
Female Fans: Thad? What about Penelope!
Leo: Oh nobody cares about Penelope.
Female Fans: Are you kidding us? The soul! The way she handled both Thad and LCP...so impressive!
Leo: Forget Penelope. Let’s talk about…
~The lights in the bar dim. The female fans stare at Leo with murderous intent. It’s like they are three Penelopes. Leo backs away~
Leo: Okay, nevermind, you three have a lovely evening. Umm…
~Leo heads for the bar...he climbs on top of it and yells out~
Leo: Let’s hear it for Thad!
~The bar cheers~
THE LCP Fan: AND LCP!
Leo: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
~The fan is silenced by Leo's aggression. Leo composes himself~
Leo: Let’s hear it for Team Welsh!
~Not so many cheers~
Leo: Round of drinks for everybody if they cheer for Team Welsh.
~That’s better~
Leo: Let’s hear it for Team Welsh~
Entire Bar: FOR TEAM WELSH!!!
Leo: Hell yea! We’re gonna own these Trials! And now...let’s hear it for…
Voice: Glum! LET’S CHEER FOR GLUM HE NEEDS IT!
Leo: Wait, no.
Bar: GLUM! GLUM! GLUM! GLUM!
Leo: STOP!
Bar: GLUM! GLUM! GLUM! GLUM!
~Leo tries to calm the bar down. We cut outside to Welsh. He’s watching preparations being made for the journey to Puerto Rico. He hears the chanting. His eyes narrow~
Marcus Welsh: The hell are they chanting in there…
~We fade out~